MOOOOOOD

today didn't start any earlier than yesterday.

i had one of those sleepless nights where you can't drift off until the sun's coming up, just to be sure you survived whatever the hell it was keeping you awake all night. i think the sound that put me to sleep was my mom leaving for work.

i'm stuck in a mood, a mood that doesn't let me sleep unless it's daylight. i'm trying to pinpoint where it's from, when it started, the cure. i've self-diagnosed a day out of the house, maybe some time at the bookstore, some time idealoguing at the coffeeshop, some time eating some sushi. actually, that sounds very good to me. i will take a full dose daily until symptoms discontinue.

jamie says it's the after effects of travel, something similar to post-partum depression. it could be something subconscious like that, it could be very simply jet lag. it could be the playlist i put on while i washed the dishes, it could have been spending friday night in the hospital. it could be the inability to settle my room, it could be a lonely heart. it could go on and on and on and on for the rest of my life, condemning me to join the disturbing league of insomniacs unwittingly nocturnal, unknowingly dead. no, that's terrible. i'm out of here, doctor's orders. will return healed.

don't worry people, i'm not sad. i'm just restless.

my semester off officially begins now.

it began to slowly sink in last night when i went to bed and realized i had no reason to wake up. nothing suicidal, just, no plans, no 8am classes, no early morning shifts at work. this is liberating right? whereas school binds you with routine, ties you down with obligation and responsibility, my life is now...unscheduled. i eventually woke up (at a defiant 11:30) and checked facebook, which is really only a 10 minute ordeal. so, that done with, i was out of things to do.

i resorted to turning on the 'flaming lips' as loud as my computer allows and waited with anxious breath the next assignment that would come to me. me, the liberated unscheduled free man, right? i ended up baking chicken.

it was while i sat on my kitchen floor (legs crossed, chin resting on my fists) watching the internal juices of my chicken gurgle, bubble, boil, and slide across its naked skin that i finally felt it hit. you know, the slowly sinking thought of having 5 months of no plans. and it was along with that feeling hitting me somewhere personal that i announced to myself i would not spend the entire 5 months on my kitchen floor. as absolutely fascinating as it was today. for like, an hour and half.

fuck baked poultry! (exclamation, not command.) i'm going to go plan out the next 140 days, and i can tell you this, they all start before 11:30.